Dyslexia...

so basically back in september when we started college, my biology teacher told me she thought i might be dyslexic. It scared me quite a lot and was a bit of a shock to the system. I didn’t understand how i could be, i’d gone through two thirds of the schooling sytem and no one had said anything. At one point i was like in the top 5% of the clevest kids in the country, how the fuck could i be dyslexic? But the more i thought about it, the more i watched what i was doing when i was writing. And it turns out i show most of the dyslexia signals in my writing and the way i learn. So i accepted the fact that i might be. well i say accepted, a better term might be dealt with. i don’t think i’ve ever dealt with it properly. i joke about it all the time and make fun of myself for it. i laugh at it so it doesn’t scare me as much. I haven’t taken the test yet. And here’s the truth. i don’t want to take the test because i don’t want another label. I’m not scared of being dyslexic. i’m scared of being stuck with it. i’ve gone through my life being labelled differently, all the time, wherever i go. And i’ve tried my best to fight my hardest to be myself and to ignore what people thought of me and what words they labelled me with. I don’t want to take a test that’s going to give me another label that’s going to stick to me for the rest of my life. i don’t want to get any special treatment. i don’t want people to think differently of me because i’m dyslexic. I’ve lived 17 years of life and i’ve managed to cope with it completely fine. i don’t need it bothering me now. And i had accepted that. then my mum gets back on my case. ‘why don’t you take the test?’ ‘i’m sick of you using it as an excuse’ ‘think about it, if you are, there might be a higher likelyhood cambridge will accept you’… thing is, i don’t want to take the test as i’ve already explained. i don’t use it as an excuse, i use it as a joke. i don’t want cambridge to accept me because i’m dyslexic. i want them to accept me because i work hard and get the grades… it’s stupid and pathetic and irrational but this is how i’m feeling about it right now. if you are reading this and are dyslexic, then i hope you don’t feel any offense from what i have written. this is very personal to me. I know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being dyslexic and it’s not something that people can help. i know it’s something that can be managed and many successful people have dyslexia and are role models for many. I’ve said it sounds like i’m being pathetic and insanely irrational but this is personal, it’s my feelings about the situation i am in. please please don’t think it applies to anyone other than me