New Years Eve 2010

Well it's that time of the year again XD NEW YEARS EVE which means you get a super awesome blog from me about the last year in my perspective.
I think it’s a load of shit blogging about the year at the end of it tbh... cos half of it gets forgotten because for me it’s the little things that make my year but little things get forgotten easily :S and that's not cool :( but anyway here goes
It’s been one hell of a year, a roller coaster, incredible highs, insane lows. There’s some memories I will never forget, some amazing times that have completely made my year. But I’ve definitely done some other things I regret. There have been times I wish I could go back and change, make better, stop myself from fucking up as much as I did.
I can tell you one thing I don’t regret though spending it with some of the best friends any girl could possibly wish for. My girls Natalie, Laura, Beth, Elly and Emma and of course my boys Chris and Elliott. You guys are incredible I love you all too much to put into words you are incredible don’t ever change.
I'm gonna do chronological list of the gigs we've been to this year XD cos they seem to make up most of my memories lolol

1- BLG in Manchester XD 18/02 --> I can't even begin to explain how much this meant to me. Seriously. It doesn’t even translate into words. Boys Like Girls are my favourite band and to have been able to go all the way down to Manchester to see them with some of my favourite people in the world was just incredible. I think it is always going to be my favourite gig. I can’t believe just how amazing it was, it was so intense and incredible and just wow. And of course, how could I ever mention this gig without talking about Emma and The Auteur? Hahah incredible. I don’t think I’ll ever listen to Dance Hall Drug in the same way again. As if she passed out XD as if me and Natalie had to drag her out XD as if we had a conversation with the support band as we dragged her XD like I said my favourite gig so far. Maybe I didn’t get to meet them, maybe I missed getting on stage with them. But tbh at that point Emma’s safety was much more important to me and I really don’t care because it was incredible anyway. In so many different ways, definitely a memory I will never forget.

2- YMAS/FTSK/WTK in Newcastle 13/03 --> Ok then second gig of the year, You Me At Six supported by Forever the Sickest Kids and We the Kings. Awesome. Hahah weird. But awesome. What do I remember from this? Getting lost in Newcastle with Beth after we went to Starbucks? Definitely a highlight XD then once we were inside ‘do you like who’s on first Charlotte?’ ‘ I don’t know who’s on’ *points to stage where a huge FTSK banner is currently hanging* ‘oh’ XD losing it in FTSK and getting completely separated from the rest only to refind Elly pressed up against the barrier in between FTSK and WTK xD dancing my way out of the crowd with Elly to gotta feeling xD Meeting Jonathan Cook after the show and giving him some extremely squished kinder eggs xD almost breaking YMAS’s bus when I got excited and jumped on Beth. Natalie meeting Joshua and getting that adorable picture. The two of them are definitely my favourite couple. Sometime, twin. I promise. Good gig. Good Gig.

3- MML in Middleborough 06/06 --> M.M.L what to say about mml. I don’t even know. Well apart from it was wet very wet and cold and we stood there for god knows how long. Not funny but it was a good show. I mean there was that creepy ginger guy who creeped the fuck out of me and Beth he was like something from the matrix with those glasses and then inching forward whenever we weren’t looking. I was definitely freaked out :S and then there was Ant from Futures playing guitar on Beth’s nose which was fucking hilarious with that big rip in his crotch. And then there was the Blackout. And Elly. I feel so sorry for them guys XD I still vividly remember Elly’s had slowly creeping up Sean Smith leg. And I also vividly remember her hollering at poor old Gav from across the stage. Oh dear it was wet, cold and dragged on and on for ages but it was hilarious.

4- Mayday Parade and the Maine in Newcastle 03/10 --> this was funny. it was the first outing of the gig brolly XD who has that now? I don’t even know it’ll resurface XD it always does. This was the first time I have ever been star struck. John O’Callaghan. Walking straight towards us, some random guy holding his brolly, Johnoh in sunglasses, heading straight at us. I think we all just stood there like :O. I kinda waved. Awkwardly. And he nodded his head but it was crazy, superstar moment right there Johnoh. Then we got to meet the rest of them XD myself and Beth got lost again XD Beth got to meet Mayday Parade, Derek and we forgot to ask him to play if you wanted a song. We had an awesome little encounter with a guy named Vito, who turned out to be The Maine’s merch guy, and not Jake as we had thought, but hey it makes a good story and the pictures make me giggle. Still, Beth even gave him a cookie XD the show was immense. It is probably gonna be one of my favourite memories with Beth xD singing Into your arms insanely out of tune xD screaming along to the bridge of whoever she is xD getting smacked on the back repeatedly when Jersey came on xD and then of course we went out and got to chill with them all again xD

5- Bowling for Soup/FTSK 19/10 in Newcastle --> Our second FTSK gig xD this was such an incredible time, carting all our presents up to Newcastle getting to meet every single member of FTSK, group hug with Austin, just Caleb, Jonathan signing my arm, Chris form Dollyrots going and fetching Kyle, Kyle coming out and ignoring the fan girls, Marc carting our skittles around with him, watching Kent trying to fit all the hubba bubba into one pocket xD then of course the show xD Jonathan wearing the bracelet I gave him xD having Charlotte on the phone for almost the entire performance xD then of course Jonathan using my phone to record the crowd. Epic. #That is all.

6- Twenty Twenty in Newcastle 29/10 --> not much I can say about this. Erm. Meeting some cool friends XD hovering outside James Bourne’s bus, watching Elly wet herself whenever the doors opened. James merch guy person dancing to TT asking us to phone a cab. Dancing to metro station in the breaks. Having my arms around Elly and Natalie for an entire song at one point XD Elly disappearing onto the bus to meet James Bourne. The free shit from Nick XD James Bourne wandering around talking about Elly’s sharpies for about half an hour XD

7- KIGH and BLG in Newcastle 21/11 --> Amazing. Awesome. Awkward. I can’t even count how many inside jokes came from this gig. I.. I don’t even know if I can write about it without crying. My eyes are definitely welling up now thinking about it. The cake. That is all I’m gonna say. Beef relief. Poolie in his mc hammer pants. Meeting Bryan, ‘even Jamel’ XD beef and Jamel sneaky bastard martin Johnson XD lolol Natalie falling over every time she was around Beef. The show. Constant eye contact with Poolie XD not even joking XD Hahah PLAY GO XD I love you guys you’re both amazing. What time is it? 25 to! Getting out chilling with Beef talking about the snow XD chatting to Poolie about his shirt. That feeling when my heart stopped when martin came out. How hard I laughed when he then fell over. ‘Taking’ him and Jamel to the cinema #awkward. I don’t know which part of that filled my heart with more joy, him writing down the lyrics that have inspired me for so long, signing it and giving me a genuine smile or him ordering salted popcorn then demanding a change when he got sweet instead xD meeting my idol is an experience i can't explain. it was fantastic. amazing definitely a night I will never forget xD

8- YMAS in Doncaster 10/12 --> driving all the way to Doncaster for youmeatsix. So epic so worth it. Emma losing her ticket :S being in an actual sports hall XD somehow managing to worm our way quite close even though we were right at the back. Canterbury were awesome. Set your goals were the biggest load of shit I have ever seen in my life. -_-  unimpressed face. The Blackout were incredible XD I whip my hair back n forth. So good XD shame we had to get out of the crowd for YMAS but they were still beyond amazing sounded insanely good. Elly in the circle pit... skipping. Another vivid memory of Elly making a fool of herself. Dan whacking out the bongos for the acoustic set. Made my life. Then falling asleep on the way home, I never sleep in the car lolol Elly's face when she woke up. Lolol

Right, well that’s gigs done. What else?

It’s been one hell of a year educationally too. Finished our GCSE’s with style. Everyone else is cramming revision in, we’re laughing at Beth falling over on stage or coming up with one of the best story lines I’ve ever written while crying with laughter in the back of the hall during an assembly. And then of course collecting our results wandering into the hall cool as fuck, shitting ourselves inside XD we did good everyone and I am so proud of the lot of you. Leaving was hard, that’s for definite. I can’t believe some of the teachers, places, times we had to leave behind. But I think we definitely left our mark. I don’t think we’ll be forgotten to easily. Hahah

And then there’s college :S I don’t really know what to say. There’s awesome parts. The work is more interesting for definite. The independence is amazing and I’ve made some awesome new friends, so incredible new people. But it’s so hard, it’s draining and the work is impossible sometimes :( I can’t believe it. But I guess no pain no gain :S I’ll just be glad to get out of it and to uni... if I get in that is.

All the times we spent out, at J5, shopping, the cinema. The potato war with the chavs with Jack Barakat as our leader. Beth singing and dancing through the street XD all those times in Dover’s when we were ‘revising’ messing around in his room. Snow days xD bus rides xD

And then of course there was our Prom XD I thought it was going to be a little bit o_O but actually it was awesome. We looked pretty damn cool and we partied pretty damn hard. I still managed to look horrendous on every single picture. And of course it was awesome, until Emma managed to drag myself and head boy Josh up to dance :S nasty girl. It was epic, everyone looked beautiful/handsome, except of course the stupid chavs.

I got to make some of the best friends ever on twitter, my #FTSKFAM, Charlotte, Sarah, Rachel, Becca and Rachel. They are all such amazing girls, always there for me, like all my girls. I wish we could meet, I could know you guys in real life. Can’t wait for the nest FTSK tour XD can’t wait for our London Plan.

I’ve probably forgotten some things, some important things. But like I said, some of the best things that happened are the ones that are the most easily forgotten :S

Well there was the last year. Time to look forward to 2011. It’s going to be hard, I’m not going to deny that. But it’s going to be good. It has to be. There’s so much to do, so much to look forward to. I can’t wait.
My New Year resolution? I just want to be happy, I want to stop having to paint on a smile. I really wanna be able to love who I am and pick up my confidence if just a little bit. Sure, I have some wishes and hopes for the next year. I want to do well in my exams, I want to be able to see all the bands I want to. I wish I could get fitter, lose some weight. I want to take more photos, remember more. But in the end, the most important part of this year will just be for me to be happy with myself, with who I am, with everything.

i wish you all the best of luck in 2011 I love you all just for reading this xD

HAPPY NEW YEAR

This One's For You

hey guys

i wrote this to put a part of my life behind me xD and it did and i'm glad for that... but in the future ive gotta remember to keep my eyes open and stop from stumbling straight into a similar situation... maybe next time ;)

Do you know how much I hate you?
I can barely stand to see your face
Do you know how much I thank you?
For making me into who I am today

Chorus
Don’t try to get into my head
I don’t think you’d like what you see
I’m not her and now I’m glad
Never been happier to lose
You never knew just who I was
And now I realise why
I wasn’t me until I lost you
Couldn’t find myself with you
And for the first time I can say
So here’s to you
This one’s for you


Couldn’t bring myself to cry
Guess I got that from you
Showing pain is weakness
About time I learnt that too

Chorus

Bleed me dry and hurt me deep
Push me down for someone else
Tie me up and string me along
Hang me to dry and cut me off
It’s never meant to be
And I can let you go
Just want you gone
So I say fuck you
I say I hate you
And just so you know
This one’s for you

chorus

FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS

hey guys!
sooooooooo it's been a while but i need to blog purely cos Tuesday 19th October might have just been the best day of my life.
i went to see Forever the sickest kids supporting Bowling For Soup and it was overly amazing. i skipped the last half our of critical thinking at college and had to leg it up to the train station. just outside the train station i got a phone call from elly, yelling at me to run cos the train was there. so basically i had to literally sprint into the station. got on the train alright anyway then elly failed to tighten my bra straps for me so natalie had to sort them lolol. then we arrived in Newcastle and headed up to the academy. we were just chilling by the bus, got shifted by ftsk's tour manager and then we're just waiting to see if they were going to come out so we could give them our presents. natalie turned round and said "i bet Jonathan's going to walk round that corner in a minute." About five minutes later, round the corner wanders Jonathan Cook. xD it was epic. The buses were on so he struggled to hear us and even when he did he had to go i think he might have had sounc check anyway. so we were still just chilling and then out wanders Austin, so we shouted him over and gave him his presents had a bit of an argument about whether he should open it. he did anyway then he was so chuffed with the crunchies he bought him xD we had this big massive group hug and it was pretty epic. once he had to go, Caleb came out and he came over shouting I NEED FOOD SOMEONE TAKE ME TO MCDONALDS. it was pretty funny, these kids that were stood near us took off with him to mcdonalds and he went running across the road in slo mo yelling 'no WATCH OUT' he was sooooo funny. anyway, so while he was gone Marc came out and we chilled for a bit gave him his presents took some pictures. then he went on the bus and we he got back off he was carrying some of the skittles we gave him it was soooooo coool xD then caleb got back and got attacked by all these fan girls -_- i hate fan girls. but once he shook them of he came running over to us bless him and kinda jumped over yelling I GOT FOOD turns out they'd been to subway instead xD we gave him our presents and he was chuffed with the socks lol turns out he does like toystory xD and he was already nomming his way through the 3.10 of gummy bears we bought him bless him we got pictures and i look overly surprised on my picture cos he was actually holding my hand. lol and he decided to kiss his hand and then wipe it over my cheek which was odd but cute bless him. then while he was taking pictures with someone else elly realised that we'd let the price on the socks... so i kinda tried to sneak over and rip it off but i kinda lunged at him, ended up headbutting his knee and ended up on the floor myself. once he'd gone i stood up n i was like 'shit i better not go round telling people i got my knees all dirty kneeling in front of caleb turman' i thought it was funny xD so he hung for a little bit but left to eat... that boy was always hungry xD so once hed gone back to the bus we were just hanging and out comes Kent and Jonathan xD we gave kent his presents and he was trying to shove all this hubba bubba into his pocket xD it was quite funny then we gave Jonathan his kinder eggs and he was going all german and weird about that but it was funny xD then i gave him the bracelet i bought him and he put it straight on and said it was beautiul xD i was chuffed but told him he didnt have to wear it cos it was a bit girly lol then he wrote love everyone on my arm which meant a hell of a lot even though he probably didnt realise. sso after they had to go all we were waiting or was kyle and he would be the most awkward one cos his was the only present we couldnt actually take in... damn appletiser xD so we got talking to the drummer from dollyrots even though we didnt know who he was back then. but he offered to go and see if he could get him out. my brother turned up and next thing we know Kyles running up looking for his appletiser. hahah bless him so we gave him that and then the rest of the bag which had stuff for them all in. i was trying to explain the presents but he just kinda grabbed hold o me and gave me a hug. i ended up just all snuggled in his chest and he was stroking my hair and just going... 'shhhhh shhhh stop talking... i love you.' he was soooo cute i was just like i love you too xD he really is adorable. i love him tp pieces. when he had to leave we went to queue and we were like pretty far back :S but when we got inside we ended up not far from the front weirdly enough. so we were just chilling all over again watching dollyrots who were pretty cool. but then FTSK came on. i went mental. like seriously screaming KOBMD at them... then natalie was like charlotte he's wearing your bracelet and i was even worse. i went crazy until hiphop chick then i rang my friend Charlotte from twitter so i kinda calmed down cos i didnt want to be screaming down the phone at her. then ater she hung up... this is where it gets good... sorry charlotte... xD jonathan was wandering around talking about how he wished he had a camera so he could record the crowd... then just before they were about to start the last song Jonathan just sort of randomly pointed at me and asked if i was recording. i couldn;t believe it it was so sureal i was just thinking wtf how on earth did he randomly just pick me there :S so i kinda just nodded really blankly anyway. and he asked if he could use it to record the crowd so i had to somehow get through the crowd and hand it to him... i dont know how i did it cos i must havebeen about seven people back but i did anyway and he recorded it and somehow got me it back and then i was able to watch she's a lady from barrier xD it was pretty epic xD
then we'd always said we would come out of the crowd after them and watch the rest from the merch stand. so elly kinda had to pull me out i think :s i was just o_O as soon as i'd got out of the crowd i was tweeting the video to them alll xD i was shaking so bad lolol n i bought some merch then we were just hanging so we decided to go outside... turns out it was a good idea cos we bumped into mr Turman again xD i rang charlotte again and they were talking then caleb decided that it would be a good idea to slober all over my phone as he pretended to kiss her through my phone... seriously there was like a tonne of caleb saliva all over my phone -_- it was disgusting we rang emma too and caleb was hilarious putting on a fake british accent and he was sooooo hilarious xD kyle came back out toooo and he was having a discussion with some random about his drums that was actually really interesting xD but the fan girls were doing my head in.. then when the conversation was over natalie was getting him to sign her shoe and i was telling him about how im glad he's better after his appendicitis and then the fan girls started -_- oooh im glad you're better too what was wrong again... i so wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up -_- he showed us his scar and they asked him to take a picture i was just like wtf? what are you talking about? it was mental idiots. i hate fan girls so much. you can tell they do to. they were quite happy talking to us. but you could see how awkward they were around the stupid fan girls. Kyle especially looked really uncomfortable there was one point when we was getting on the bus and looking between us and the bus and back again it was quite funny xD and everytime they open the door caleb and ziggy were sat by the door waving and grinning at us completely ignoring the fan girls i dont even think they knew that they were there...
so yeah ive probably forgot something amazing that happened cos it was just tooo much but yeah that was pretty epic xD i had muchly fun the boys are sooooo amazing they are such lovely guys really amazing and the performance was just out of this world they were sooo goood xD

Growing Up Won't Bring Us Down

so i started college tuesday :S its hard... so fucking hard. its tiring. no actually scratch that its draining. it's mentally physically and emotionally draining. i just feel like shit right now and i havent even got that much work. part of me knows like deep inside somewhere that its because its new. im not used to it. i need to get settled in. but a bigger part of me is thinking fuck how am i going to make it through these next to years.
i miss school. im gunna go ahead and say it. i, Charlotte Roe, miss sunnydale community college. i miss the routine. i miss the structure. i miss knowing where i stand, where i am, what i'm supposed to be doing. i miss walking into a room and knowing almost everyone in there. i miss walking into a class and knowing i'll be able to do anything the teacher throws at me. i miss spending almost all day with my girls. i miss having like every lesson with natalie and knowing i have someone to talk to. i miss the teachers. i miss having teachers that care. teachers that know you so well they know exactly how to get right on your tits and so do it at every opportunity. i miss teachers that know you so well they know you better than you know yourself. i miss teachers that you can laugh with. i miss teachers you can get and share gossip with. i miss teachers that are so lazy its unreal but will get up and walk across to the opposite block just to let you know they just got an email saying that tickets for your favourite band are going on sale.
please dont get me wrong. college is good. i met lots of new people. im learning new things already. its gunna be awesome i can see that. i just dont feel like it now. i need to get settled in. i need routine. im not a boring person who wants everything to be the same every day. im just the kind of person who needs to know where she is. i hate being confused i hate not knowing where i stand. i hate being out of the loop. i hate not knowing what to do, whats going on.
im also scared as fuck right now. im scared im gunna lose my friends cos we're barely gunna spend any time together. im scared im not gunna be good enough to do what i want to do. im scared im not gunna make it through. im scared of what my relationship with my family is gunna be once its over cos its already in tatters after the meagre stress levels of GCSE's. im petrified.
but tonight proved that it can be good. we had a seriously girly night in. i mean serious. like the ones you see in american tweeny chick flicks. yeah spot on. we had failed school work, diving on each other, texting boys, trying to understand said boy, just down right hilarity, music, pizza, rom com and even the ben and jerry's made an appearence. it was awesome. it was just what i needed tonight after this week. i was in one of those moods where i just had to laugh to keep from crying. but tonight made it better. i love my girls so much... natalie, el, beth and good old el ginge. well done. i love you. tonight proved for me that no matter how scary something is, no matter how much things are changing, no matter how fast things are moving, some things just dont change. and sometimes... its just as important as A levels, to keep things that way xD

'my friends are a different breed my friends are everything'

'so call us freaks cos thats just the way we roll'

'but i believe in whatever you do and ill do anything to see it through'

'i know its not easy i know that its hard, follow the lights to the city'

'we'll scream loud at the top of our lungs and they'll just think its cos we're young and we'll feel so alive'

'our days are numbered we're not getting any younger but its nights like these that make you not really care

'maybe its not my week but its gunna be my year'

'this place will always be a part of me yeah you're all a part of me'

'it's never the same tomorrow and tomorrow's never clear but you know our time is here'

'we're in this together we'll make it somehow nothings going to stop us now

'growing up won't bring us down'

Games Disguised As Fairytales

im not sure about this song :S which is why im not advertising it, not telling people about it, not posting the link anywhere, not forcing people to check it out to satisfy my pathetic insecurities... so if you're reading it right now... wow... well done you xD and thanks for checking out my blog... you mean a lot to me so lemme know ok? cos i'd like to know...
right back to the song... i've been trying to damn song for months now and it never sounds how i want it to, the voice, the message is never what i wanna say :S so i keep trying cos it's a situation close to my heart and i wanted to get it off it... this is the closest i've ever gotten and i still dont like it so i'm gunna keep trying but like i said if you're reading this lemme know... here goes

i'm letting myself fall
into something i don't know
trusting a smile to catch me
in the hope something might grow

why do i let you do this?
terrified of what it means
talk and talk dont feel that way
are you playing games with me?

chorus
naivety at its best
i would follow where you lead
you saw fun i saw the one
lips that made me believe
carried away in the taste of your lies
ignoring the truth that hid in your eyes
tell me where's my fairytale ending
the story i dreamed to live
i'm caught in you no hope of escape
this fate wasn't yours to give

i wonder what you did
if it worked with her as well
classic story different twist
on your flirting carousel

and i'll be over you
till i see your face again
the pain it causes to know
we'll be even less than friends

chorus

i'm just a toy you're willing to break
don't mess with me don't tear my heart
come any closer and i'm gone
i can't resist your clever words
though i know your just as fake as
the lies you tell the pictures you paint
the fairytale that just wasn't true

it's ok it just doesnt say what i want :S

By My Side

so i wrote this song when i thought one of my closest friends was mad at me lol turns out she wasnt but i got a decent song out of it xD its basically about how shes always there for me to make me feel better and to get me through the shit in my life and how scared i was when i thought i was gunna lose her so yeah its a little bit soppy and completely irrelevant now but nvm she wanted to read it so here it is

for laura

eyes are drooping
to stop my tears
smile faltering
to hide my fears

chorus

i cant control my feelings

so much better when you're around

i dont know where else to turn

you keep my feet on the ground

teach me how to fly to soar

show me where to find my deeams

prove to me im worth that much

find the truths i won't believe

i know you're not to blame
who made me feel this way
im a trainwreck a bombsite
you just came on the right day

chorus

eyes shine to say you love me
a smile to say you care
i dont know how to act around you
what do i do when you're not there

chorus

i breakdown when you arent by my side
i dont know what to do without you
i dont work dont function as i planned
when the world dissolves what do i do

chorus

Summer Rain

I muchly hate this songg but i made the mistake of mentioning it on twitter and i was made to post it by laura :S i dont like it at all and i think it needs a lot of work but here it is anyway

I'm wide awake and bored
caffeine high with nothing to do
Mind is numb body still
try to stop toughts slipping to you

hot long nights
early hours
deep dark sky
borrowed time

summer rain
washing my sense clean
midnight storm
murdering my dream
beautiful night
hiding my pain
and when i wake
drowning in the rain

come and watch the sunrise
let me spend on night in your arms
lets pretend we're perfect
forget forgive that we dont work

bright night stars
far away
your love gone
with sun light

summer rain
washing my sense clean
midnight storm
murdering my dream
beautiful night
hiding my pain
and when i wake
drowing in the rain

the worst part of hello is good bye
the best part of falling is staring at the sky

summer rain
washing my senses clean
midnight storm
murdering my dream
beautiful night
hiding my pain
and when i wake
drowning in the rain


i hope you're happy laura -_-

Tattoo's

I'm gunna blog my tattoo ideas... so y'all know but more so i don't forget hahahah I'm gunna start at my feet n work my way up
first one on my left foot... its just a pattern kinda thing inspired by music the amazing wonderful talented Miss Laura Betts designed this for me XD isn't it amazing? i might make a few alterations though :S hope she doesn't mind too much its almost perfect just a few tweaks... yeah but that's going down the outside of my left foot
and on the other side
It means rock n roll in Chinese Ive wanted this since i was about 12 lol so its my longest thing lol... the only thing I've wanted for longer n actually stuck with is wanting to be a vet lol but yeah i think this might be my first XD
going from my first to my last... I'm hopefully gunna get thirteen tattoos in total and this is going to be my last one... a nice black 13 on the big toe of my right foot... 13's been my lucky number for a while now i picked it cos i thought it was ironic you know unlucky for some etc blah blah blah but it only dawned on my a while ago the date when i met a Mr Jonathan cook from forever the sickest kids who just so happens to be my idol and a massive influence on my life... yup the thirteenth of march so who knows maybe it is lucky last tattoo on my feet...i want it on the outside of my right ankle... coffee break is an amazing song by Forever the Sickest Kids... its about growing up and being scared of change its about having a bad relationship with your parents it means a lot to me personally cos i love FTSK and secondly cos i really feel that i can relate to the lyrics... i have a terrible relationship with my parents and as much as i try to shake it off it really really kills me that i don't have them to go to whenever i need to that i don't feel close to them at all that we argue all the time... coffee break makes me realise that I'm not the only one and things will get better for one of two reasons... either I'll grow up n we'll finally patch things up or I'll grow up and I'll move away and it wont be a problem anymore

this is kind of a conditional tattoo... i want this just above my knee if i get married but if i don't (very likely) i think i might get it anyway but get it in white ink so it looks like a scar cos i thought it'd be fitting XD and so i can still get up to 13

This is my scorpion... he's gorgeous XD ok so it might not be this one but i definitely want a scorpion that's gunna wrap around my waist... and i want it to be kinda tribalish almost... not life like... i dunno why but i have a big thing about the zodiac signs n it just felt fitting to get a scorpion... its gunna be the biggest tattoo i think XD

Rain Falls Down is a song by We The Kings... i think the lyrics are amazing... i don't know if I'm right but the way i interpret the song is that bad things happen but you always have someone to help you through it... the rain is going to fall but its gunna fall on the both of us i think its saying that the bad times are almost worth while when you've got someone special by your side... it means a lot to me cos times are rough right now with my parents and while i dint have a
*special someone* i have my girls that's all i need so i decided to get this tattoo... i want it written on my ribs under my boobs XD

'enough is enough you can stop waiting to breathe' lyrics from Go by Boys Like Girls... i adore boys like girls i think their music and their lyrics are amazing this song and that particular line really gets me it just it really makes me think about like that this is my life and i shouldn't be waiting for someone else's say so i can do what i want and i can get out of whatever rut I'm in and just, you know, go... its something that I've liked the idea of ever since i heard the song but the only problem was placement... i was thinking of just getting breathe tattooed into my ear but Laura and i decided if i did that you kinda loose the meaning so i got stuck again... i considered the small of my back but decided that that was a bit chavvy... eventually i settled on the middle of my back like underneath my bra strap... martin Johnson of BLG and Zack Merrick of ATL both have lyrics there so i thought why not xD this is one of the only ones I'm nervous about cos when that needle hits my spin its gunna hurt like i don't know what but nvm xD

ok so this is a cool idea mon amie elly had... we have all these plans to go on holiday together when we're older... growing up it was always our intention to go to Australia together for a bit and recently we've decided that we're gunna go on a road trip around America in a tractor... ok so maybe not a tractor but we thought it would be an awesome thing to do maybe a long time in the future when we both have decent steady jobs but yeah its gunna be so much fun there's a lot of places we wanna check out and a lo of places we've always wanted to go and at the end we're gunna get a tattoo... probably not these footprints but something like it to kinda signify our friendship and how far we've come as well as how we've managed to survive a road trip all the way around the USA lol

anyone who's a decent all time low fan should recognise these lyrics if not fuck you... lol sorry they're from weightless n I'm not afraid to say its one of the first atl songs i listened to... except from Beth shoving poppin n dear maria down our ears about a year before hand... but its always been my favourite i can be feeling as shit as it's possibly imaginable n then listen to this song n it just makes me think you know what that's right so what if this has gone totally to pot... there's always tomorrow where i can make damn sure that this is going to be my year and i am going to be the best i can be... so yeah there's the reason i want it on my left wrist but there's issues about fitting it and job interviews and such like so it might have to be split and different lines written on the crooks of my elbow

love everyone is Jonathan Cook's company... it sounds stupid getting like a brand tattooed into my skin but as you've probably figured he kinda means a huge deal to me XD and he has this tattoo on his wrists which i cant actually do but i want it in like cursive writing on my right wrist cos i think the message behind his company is really really deep and i think he#s amazing and its a link to him

this is the tattoo I'm most excited about XD which is weird cos its gunna be the most painful hahaha if you're like a creepy Boys Like Girls fan like me you might recognise this... that's Martin Johnson's arm and that's the BLG hook they all have it and i want it... they got it done by traditional Samoan tattooing and that's how I'm going to get mine XD instead of a needle they kinda hammer the ink into your skin and its disgusting that I'm sooo excited to get it but i am and i cant wait XD really really really excited about that one

woooo pretty stars XD hahah this ones just an idea it isn't definite yet but i thought it might be cool... i wanted a tattoo on my shoulder blades and this idea popped into my head... I'm fairly intelligent and I'm expected a few A* in my results... so i want an actual star on my back for every * i get in my results... little stars for my GCSE's bigger stars if i get any in A levels and a big one for my degree XD

ok so if you hung in while i talked through that you may have noticed a couple of things...

A all my tattoos are in black and white there's a reason for that... i cant stand coloured tattoo's no offense to anyone who wants one or has one but i think they look tacky i have quite pale skin so i think the black will look good against that... i also hate sleeves... again no offense but manky green sleeves are revolting

B a lot of my tattoos revolve around music again purposeful XD my top f bands are BLF FTSK ATL YMAS and WTK... so i have atl lyrics wtk and ftsk songs the blg hook and the rose in the first pattern represents the rose on the hold me down album cover... all of my favourite bands represented on my body XD

all of my tattoos have incredibly important messages for me, things that i want to remember, things that i want immortalised on my skin... its stuff for me i really don't care if you don't get it or don't like it or you think its stupid because they are very personal things to me i cant fucking wait to be 18 to start getting these done xD its gunna be so awesome

Closure

We went up to school even though we've been officially off for like over a month now but we wanted to go up for the end of term assembly so this is like it the end finished closure... but I'm gunna say that its more the finish of our education there i know we'll be back at least twice definitely for our results :S and for our presentation evening and i doubt we'll keep ourselves away full stop after that
so we went up anyway went to chill up in Mr Dovers room for the last time XD he's such an epic guy mr dover... uncle D... Mally hahah even though hes not gunna see it big thanks to him for letting us wreck his room every lunch time can y'all imagine all the things that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gone up there? we had some good times it's gunna be so weird that even if we do go up to see him again we're not gunna be able to sit up there again, I'll have to find a new table n Natalie wont be able to sit on his chair like that cos it wont be the same room :( it shows how used to it we are that we all moved automatically to leave when the bell rang... thinking we were off to lessons again i realised froze n thought out loud guys what are we doing... it was also quite funny that for just a second everyone looked at me like i was mental before they realised as well hahah we made uncle d laugh I'm sure we have plenty of times i wanna say i hope he misses us lol but that sounds mean... so i hope we left a lasting impression... and knowing my freaks I'm sure we did
we even helped set up the hall... yup kids see how nice we are even though we'd left we still lent a hand helped set things up for everyone else... i nearly died when Bryne mentioned us i thought we were gunna have to get up... n then the ripple effect as everyone turned one by one to look at us LOL
i thought it was nice Hackett came to sit with us though it was probably more to do with hiding at the back than sitting with us... either way he gave me and Laura a laugh through the assembly i think he's awesome XD talking about not turning up to the first day back cos hes at a gig... amazing n Mrs Hackett too shes awesome she said me and Laura looked coool hahah which made me n Laura just look at each other n kinda go this is what we wear all the time :S i suppose she is used to us in school uniform so ill let her off XD I'll definitely be going back to see those two hopefully after i get my tattoo's so i can show them... i kinda hope they might be proud it's weird but im so different from my parents i can't show them off to them so the Hacketts will have to do... not that i think of them as parent substitutes at all... no way in hell... they're awesome lol not denying that but that would just be toooooo weird hahahha
Raven was such a freak... where the hell did he get a yellow spiderman costume from? lolol only he would do that hahah gotta love him as well though great guy... great teacher they all are i love the way that even though we're not students anymore we're still just kinda friends in a way i prefer this to actually being there even though they were still as chilled when we were students i like being there cos we wanna be there instead of cos its school... we want to go we want to talk to them and the cool thing is that they wanna talk to us too
I'm gunna miss Miss Bennett... hopefully we can pass messages through the other teachers fingers crossed we don't lose touch cos shes such a lovely person XD textiles wouldn't have been the same without her :S its weird to think shes not gunna be there any more... that we wont be able to just toddle up if we fancy a chat n a hot chocolate xD
I've probably forgotten someone n if i have I'm very sorry i still love you too i just cant think of you right now lol
so yeah... no more sunnydale... after years of complaining about it being such a shit hole... ok well yes its still a shit hole... its just a shit hole we're all gunna miss :(

Hold Me Back

Just a stupis song i wrote the other day when i was pissed at my parents... its not brilliant and definitely not one of my best but nvm enojoy XD

You push me down
again and again
keep feet on the ground
to stop your pain
you dont seem to care
its my life to live
you're crushing my dreams
and you're blaming me

chorus
you cant hold me back
cos im going to shine
the darkest star in the sky
just wait for my time
im gonna fly this nest
and im not coming back
dont wait up for me
when life's turning black

i can't live like this
when its all bout you
im better than this
Im better than you
im more than you know
more than you could be
i suggest you lemme go
so that i can fly free

chorus

i dunno what you want
how to keep you pleased
i cant be more than who i am
even if you keep me on my knees
i have so much potential
you waont let me use
im fighting your rile
what do i have to lose

chorus

you're the reason im here
and my reason to leave
the only way to escape
the only thing i believe
im hapy im going
i wont say goodbye
but you can watch me go
watch my fly through the sky

Playing With Fire

Little bitty personal poem i wrote... i actually really like it and im very proud if you know me you'll know that doesnt happen very often... so please please please please comment i really wanna know if you guys think its as god as i do :S and yes i am begging now... please?

back tracking through memories
reminiscing the past
funny how it seems different now
crying at time that made me laugh

chorus

i want to say i have no regrets
the words taste like lies on my lips
i dont wanna believe the truth lying
awake longing for fingers dancing on my hips

i hate myself for loving the person you weren't
you can only play for fire for so long before you heart is burned

was there ever anything
did you ever feel that spark
cos the way you seemed with her
felt like your daggers hitting their mark

chorus

i never knew i could feel this way
i didnt know this pain was real
i guess its time to face the facts
i'll never understand how you make me feel

chorus

maybe i meant nothing
maybe i meant it all
not gunna sit back and wait
see you laugh watch me fall

hope you're happy with her
hope shes akll you want
i dont wanna be her anymore
you have a good life now

chorus

well hello there... LIFE

hey my lovelies XD

so i havent written in such a long time :S sorry since we got ymas tickets in fact... n that feels like a long time oh diddles

well lots of stuffs has happened

guess who's going to see the amazing fantastical FTSK again... urm yeah me XD and elly lol love yah.... guess who's playing football (soccer) with FTSK... ooh yeah me again XD... guess who's got a direct message and two replies from the awesome MR JONATHAN COOK along with meeting him in person... that would be moi XD in that line of things life is good... in fact life is awesome

having issues with my parents... whats new? lol but im getting through it bit by bit with my amazing friends who have my back to help me love you guys sooooooo much

WE FINISHED SCHOOOOOOOOL... yups our last exam was yesterday and i think we all pretty much aced Textiles now we've got the whole summer ahead of us before 6th form XD its going to be amazing i cant believe we've actually finished :S im gunna miss it im gunna miss my teachers but knowing us we'll be back there pretty soonish... Uncle D might be giving us some football training anyway so its all good

right what else...

i got my hair died by the awesome Miss natalie walsh underneath my frigne is all purplish now XD happy happy happy thank you Holmes i'll post a picture sometime when i get one i like hahahahahha

right im going to get ready ill be back in a little bit to blog this song that i wrote

Ciao for now my lovelies

xxxxxx

YOU MET AT SIX TICKETS.... AGAIN!

OMFG GUESS WHO GOT MORE YOUMEATSIX TICKETS??? YUP THATS RIGHT MOI! and Natalie and Elly and Emma but this aint their blog so they can go do one... not really lolol i love them lots and lots n its going to be epic to be at a ymas gig again with natalie n elly and emma's coming along this time so it'll be sooooo much fun i cant wait... but im gunna have to... its in december -_- but i dont care... whats freaking me out the most is that by then we'll bein college n ill be 17 n i could possibly drive :S its hurting my head thinking about it

we have to go allll the way down to Doncaster but i dont care its like an hour n a halfs drive away but im not driving no no no no Natalie's dad is taking us down and he's even coming to the gig with us cos he's cool like that... i wish my dad was more like that lolol im just worried about afterward... cos we will wait n meet josh n etc again lolol and it means we cant leave college earlier cos the plan was to get the train n leave for lunch n just not return mwahahahahaha lol but never mind its going to be so much easier n so much cheaper thanks to Natalies dad thank you Natalies Dad!!! XD


im getting slightly hyper thinking about it and i think im babbling slightly...


beth isnt coming this time she's going to see Biffy Clyro with her with her boyfriend instead whoch is awesome for her and will be an amazing gig we will miss her at ymas though... we'll say hey to Matt for her


I WANT MORE BANDS TO RELEASE UK TOUR DATES... I WANT BLG TO GET THEIR ARSES BACK OVER HERE I WANT ATL TO ANNOUNCWE TOUR DATES AND I WANT AN FTSK UK TOUR!!!!! please?


Im in a gig mood now i wanna gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


im going now before i bore you all senseless


oh wait pictures.... what can i post????

THATS YOU ME AT SIX... for those poor sad deprived peoples who dont know :S i feel so sorry for you

GO LISTEN NOW COS THEY ARE EPIC

CIAO GUYS LOVE Y'ALL

Crying

I cant say what i think
cos words choke in my throat
tears just arent enough
It's time to grab my coat

I cant stay here
all i do is cry
im not helping
guess this is goodbye

chorus
Tears coyuld build an ocean
but thats nothing without a boat
could cry you a river
but then how would we stay afloat
I could stop this flooding
but you knocked out my resistance
Im sorry i'm giving up
i just dont have your persistance

Dont bother saving me
Need to do this alone
i look like im drowing
but im escaping your control

I cant stay here
please dont ask why
im not helping
guess this is goodbye

Chorus

i dont know what to do
i guess all things come to end
i feel like im losing
please dont stop trying my friend
but you have to have some
one to be able to lose them

chorus

i cant stay here
all i do is cry
i cant stay here
please dont ask why
this isnt helping
guess that was my goodbye

Fickle

You're chamging and i dont know what to say
it just feels like you're getting further each day
i smile i laugh as i struggle through
But the truth is i dunno how to live without you

Chorus
I dont know how to say this
or explain how i feel
But i dont know how to handle it
when you try to tell me how to feel
I'm not like you and we're not the same
i dont want to be part of your stupid game
I know myself but i dont know you
I cant help cos i dont know what to do

I'm pushed away like i dont even matter
But im the one whos there when your lifes in tatters
I'd hold you hand and pull you back
You;re having fun while i pick up your slack

Chorus

I cant hold on so
I want be second best much longer
theres someone new each week
and im wishing i was stronger
I cant let you go
But i really won't do this to myself
I'm tired of trying to
give the help to everybody else

Chorus

And yet for some reason i love you
Even after everything you've put me through

Gig Memories

heyhey guys

so ive calmed down a bit since the youme@six gig... eventhough i get the random flash back and freak out majorly inside but i met jonathan cook so you'll allow me that

But its really not just meeting jnathan that made it my best night ever... allthough that realy topped it off.. but spending the night with my mates made it sooo amazing really i love them guys so much... they really helped make that night for example i think trekking round Newcastle getting lost getting directions in subway finding starbucks picking up the wrong order then spitting it all down myself is a memory that will stay with me for ever... but only cos it was with beth... and being at the gig practically at the barrier for the majority of the gig was awesome... cos i was with my best friend... Elly...and the same at the Jonas concert wehre i stood next to her and we danced and sang outrageously out of tune and then clapped for nick all the way through his speech... and the journey home form the Jonas Brothers concert is forever burned into my memory because i spent the majority of it trying to comfort Laura after she broke done cos Kevin looked at her... although its not a particularly pleasant memory im always gunna remember when emma passed out in the moch pit at boyslikegirls and how me and natalie had to drag her out... having a conversation with the support band on the way and natalie god what can i say about natalie... when she fell over in the auditions set on our fist gig and i didnt realise... the jonas gig when her and ellys voice went all hamsterish... at boyslikegirls when she was hopping round on one foot in puddles while i bounced round getting the auteur to sign her converse cos the lead singer was wearing the same pair... the youmeatsix gig where she got the most amazing picture of her and Josh franceschi and the way she moshes like hell so much her ribs hurt...

so you see what i'm trying to say is that while its completely out of this world to go and see my fave bands and even more unbelievable to be actualy able to meet them... the best thing about them is being able to go with some of the people who make my world really rock... the memories that are gunna really stay are those ones cos they;re the ones that made me laugh or cry or scream or whatever... i lvoe you guys and i wouldnt change you for the world!

Lots of Love

Ciao y'all

YOU ME AT SIX GIG +BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

Last night was the best night of my life so far... it was completely unbelievably amazing!

I MET JONATHAN FRICKEN COOK

i actually did and i cant believe it... we watched the gig... FTSK WTK then you me at six and afterwards we were waiting for the bands to come out... elly beth n natalie had gone to find you me at six n i was waiting for FTSK then all of a sudden i just hear 'jonathan' so i like span round n there he is stood right in front of me... i nearly died but anyway he'd asked on twitter for someone to bring him kinder eggs so i bought some and managed to keep them in my pocket all the way through the gig even if they were a bit smushed and these girls were giving him some so i said hang on ive got you some and got these eggs out for him and he left these other girls and came ove to me and i apologised for the chrushedness of them and he just said its fine do they have toys in them andi replied with yeah duh and he said wow thanks thats awesome you're awesome and gave me a hug!!!! yes jonathan cook hugged me so i asked for a picture and this girl took it for me while he hugged my again!!! and then he signed my phone for me then he asked me if id enjoyed the show and i was just like yeah you were amazing well done and thank you... then i waited round till he said bye then i went running down to where beth and them were and went absolutely crazy seriously i was happy dancing with elly and i couldnt keep still then my knees almost went so i had to sit down with beth lolol

then you me at six came out and we all went over and talked to them for a bit... josh was an absolute darlign seriously coming out to speak to us like that when he was really ill... he was lovely and so were the others total darlings love them all

god i wish i could tell you weverything that happened last night and why it was the best night of my life but i really dont think i can it would just take far toooooooo long lolol

it was just awesome simply amazing words cant even properly describe how i feel right now its incredible im gunna post some pictures now for y'all

ME AND JONATHAN UNREAL!!!!!!ELLY BETH NATALIE AND ME AT MINE BEFORE THE GIG
JONATHAN PERFORMING
WE THE KINGS
JOSH
JOSH FLYING!!
MINE AND BETH'S STARBUCKS WITH JONATHAN'S EGGS WHEN THEY WERE WHOLEJOSH AND TRAVIS IN SAVE IT FOR THE BEDROOM

LOVE Y'ALLL SO SO SO MUCH

CIAO GUYS