Growing Up Won't Bring Us Down

so i started college tuesday :S its hard... so fucking hard. its tiring. no actually scratch that its draining. it's mentally physically and emotionally draining. i just feel like shit right now and i havent even got that much work. part of me knows like deep inside somewhere that its because its new. im not used to it. i need to get settled in. but a bigger part of me is thinking fuck how am i going to make it through these next to years.
i miss school. im gunna go ahead and say it. i, Charlotte Roe, miss sunnydale community college. i miss the routine. i miss the structure. i miss knowing where i stand, where i am, what i'm supposed to be doing. i miss walking into a room and knowing almost everyone in there. i miss walking into a class and knowing i'll be able to do anything the teacher throws at me. i miss spending almost all day with my girls. i miss having like every lesson with natalie and knowing i have someone to talk to. i miss the teachers. i miss having teachers that care. teachers that know you so well they know exactly how to get right on your tits and so do it at every opportunity. i miss teachers that know you so well they know you better than you know yourself. i miss teachers that you can laugh with. i miss teachers you can get and share gossip with. i miss teachers that are so lazy its unreal but will get up and walk across to the opposite block just to let you know they just got an email saying that tickets for your favourite band are going on sale.
please dont get me wrong. college is good. i met lots of new people. im learning new things already. its gunna be awesome i can see that. i just dont feel like it now. i need to get settled in. i need routine. im not a boring person who wants everything to be the same every day. im just the kind of person who needs to know where she is. i hate being confused i hate not knowing where i stand. i hate being out of the loop. i hate not knowing what to do, whats going on.
im also scared as fuck right now. im scared im gunna lose my friends cos we're barely gunna spend any time together. im scared im not gunna be good enough to do what i want to do. im scared im not gunna make it through. im scared of what my relationship with my family is gunna be once its over cos its already in tatters after the meagre stress levels of GCSE's. im petrified.
but tonight proved that it can be good. we had a seriously girly night in. i mean serious. like the ones you see in american tweeny chick flicks. yeah spot on. we had failed school work, diving on each other, texting boys, trying to understand said boy, just down right hilarity, music, pizza, rom com and even the ben and jerry's made an appearence. it was awesome. it was just what i needed tonight after this week. i was in one of those moods where i just had to laugh to keep from crying. but tonight made it better. i love my girls so much... natalie, el, beth and good old el ginge. well done. i love you. tonight proved for me that no matter how scary something is, no matter how much things are changing, no matter how fast things are moving, some things just dont change. and sometimes... its just as important as A levels, to keep things that way xD

'my friends are a different breed my friends are everything'

'so call us freaks cos thats just the way we roll'

'but i believe in whatever you do and ill do anything to see it through'

'i know its not easy i know that its hard, follow the lights to the city'

'we'll scream loud at the top of our lungs and they'll just think its cos we're young and we'll feel so alive'

'our days are numbered we're not getting any younger but its nights like these that make you not really care

'maybe its not my week but its gunna be my year'

'this place will always be a part of me yeah you're all a part of me'

'it's never the same tomorrow and tomorrow's never clear but you know our time is here'

'we're in this together we'll make it somehow nothings going to stop us now

'growing up won't bring us down'